Showering

I went to my friend Karen's baby shower a few days ago.  I love parties with and for my friends.  But some I don't always get as excited about... and showers tend to fall lower on my get stoked meter.  I've never really thought about why this was until after Karen's shower, when I realized it was one of my most favorite showers of any type I'd ever attended.  I thought about it for days afterwards, obviously, since I am now writing about it.  There were several reasons I enjoyed it, but the main one is probably the fact that

We Played No Games. 

Can you believe it.  No pass the platter around and try to remember the baby items on it.  No trying to guess the kind of smashed up candy bar in the diaper.  No.  None of that structure, everyone sit in a circle, let's see who's the best at remembering things or who knows the bride or mom-to-be best, etc.  

Instead, we relaxed outside on the grass, no one noticed I was late, there was a casual wine tasting table you could saunter back and forth from, a light buffet, if you wanted you could decorate a onesie with puff paint, and there was the freedom to sit and continue a conversation without worrying we weren't participating in something.  Hours passed and I had no idea.  When I brought up how interesting it was that there were no games (and that I liked it) Karen said she'd told her mom and friends flat out that she just didn't want any for this shower.  She's not a fan either.  

So, I liked the shower because it was casual and structure-free.  I am not a fan of parties where I don't know many people, but the atmosphere lent itself to breezy laughter and get-to-know-you girly conversation.  I don't like shower games usually anyway, number one because they're often silly, and number two because I'm often bad at them and I don't like sucking at things.  

And pardon me for always going here, but I'm realizing a distinct pattern between personalities who would enjoy a shower like Karen's as much as I did, and those who would have been bummed to not have the chance to win at the dirty diaper game or make as many words as possible out of the phrase Bouncing Bundle of Joy.  I think it has something to do with the S/N difference and definitely the P/J, maybe even the T/F. Actually all letters.  Friends that had or want games at your shower, I heart you and still want to be invited.  I will bring you a killer gift I swear. 

Sights & Sounds

Recent sights...

Taken from my street...smoke coming from the Gap Fire burning 

up the hills of Goleta

I went for a walk in the morning on the Fourth, and around the corner saw this house laden with patriotic decor and handmade signs (likely by kids) with tidbits about our country's fight for & declaration of Independence.  I was touched by their unique attention to the 

meaning of the holiday.  

Click on the photos to see them bigger and to read the signs...

Recent sounds...

I run the stadium stairs a SB City College a couple times a week, and this past month I've been pairing that with my Coldplay's new album blasting through my headphones.  Reaching the top of the stairs while "Lovers in Japan" soars into its musical climax and then turning around to see the Pacific stretching out far far into the blue... There is nothing like it. 

The zoo at 2.

Okay, so say your family is coming to town from out-of-state for a week, and you get an email from one of them.  It has an attachment to an excel spreadsheet.  Laid out on that is a blow-by-blow plan of their (and in large part, your) proposed schedule for the week.  Every activity is budgeted in, to make sure they don't miss a thing while in your lovely part of California, or wherever.  Beach? Yes, twice, both Friday and Saturday at 11:00.  Visit the mission? Yes, Wednesday at 3.  And don't worry, you'll get to the zoo, on their last day here, at 2.  

Do you...

A) get excited!  They are obviously looking forward to the visit and 

want to pack a lot of fun stuff in, as do you.  You're glad they are prepared and know what they want to do, and the schedule will just make it easier to make sure nothing is missed and for everyone to know what to do when.  You might have even done the same thing if you were visiting them!

B) think... "really?"  It all has to be planned out? Aw.  I kinda like going with the flow, since you never know what will come up.  Does anyone else feel slightly stifled?  What if I'm not in the mood for the zoo at 2 that day?  What if I just really want to kick back at Brophy's for some shrimp cocktail?  

The split was immediate and kinda funny today in small group.  You can probably guess who got stoked on her family's excel sheet plan, like the strong J that she is.  Anna and I were totally option B, which made sense as we are the   P preferring ladies of the bunch.  Not like we can't stand schedules ever or anything, or all J's love Excel to structure their leisure, but you can often predict someone's reaction to certain things by knowing their preference.  

I Can't Resist...

Of course I saw the movie on opening night, and it was wonderful.
Great stories thrive because they have main characters that are very different yet complementary to one another. Sex and the City is no different. So since I have these four ladies on the mind, and because I love applying knowledge of a person or character's type to my understanding of them, here we go...*

Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, and Carrie embody the four main temperaments
within Myers Briggs... SPs, SJs, NTs and NFs. Let's see:

Samantha
She's fun-loving, realistic, bold, spontaneous, independent, completely in the present, and loves action and people. She is the classic SP, a Sensation-Seeker. Her full type is likely ESTP.
More Here on SPs

Charlotte
Was there ever a sweeter, more dependable, do-gooder gal on TV? She is loyal, dutifully contributes to society, is socially appropriate, serious, and disciplined. All this points to an SJ, or Security-Seeker. Her full type is likely ISFJ.
More Here on SJs

Miranda
The voice of reason and logic. She is strong-willed, skeptical, achievement-oriented, and as a lawyer, of course great at thinking and solving problems. Miranda is an NT, or Knowledge-Seeker. Her full type is likely INTJ.
More Here on NTs

Carrie
The voice of the series, she is passionate, and focused on finding romance, seeking her true self, trusts her intuition, and devotes her life work, writing, to exploring the personal journeys of herself and those around her, a strong sign of an NF, aka Identity-Seeker. Her full type is likely ENFP.
More Here on NFs


*The types of the characters are guessed similarly by several different websites, these aren't just my observations of their letters.

Sensing

I'm not the greatest with my 5 senses...

I don't have impeccable hearing, at least so I've been told. I'm quite near-sighted; my contacts are -3.50 and it seems that this is a stronger prescription than most have. I am the last to smell something, if at all.

Preferring Introversion and iNtuition only make me less aware of my senses. Since I'm more often oriented toward what's in my mind that what's around me because I prefer "I", I am less attune to my physical environment. Meg told me one time that she liked some of the household decor items that were for sale at Ralphs, and I had no idea what she was talking about. She said the items are always sitting at the front of the store so you're facing them when you're at the register. I looked next time I was there and was floored; I'd never noticed them. And because I prefer iNtuition over Sensing, I use and rely on my senses much less than some others. Mary always notices if a floor is slanted or if there is a gassy smell or if you can hear the waves crashing at a property; I have to feel, smell, or listen a second or third time.



But the past couple weeks I've been trying to focus on fully Sensing my environment. Tonight is our last night in our house. I'm all about beautiful surroundings, more than most I know. But I don't always stop to take in the physicalness of it. For a couple weeks I have been careful to pause on my way from the car to the door, inhaling the fragrant air and salty smell of our hill by the Mesa. I've made time to just sit and stare out at the view from my window, taking in every light and tree and rooftop and hill I can see from our perch. I've walked outside at night and paused, to feel the particular mixture of ocean breeze, Santa Ana winds, and clean clear air that stirs up around our Crestline.

It is instinctive to me, and probably to most, to intentionally take in our surroundings as we leave something for the last time. I did that before I graduated from Westmont. I didn't really get to do it before we left our beloved house on the west side that caught fire a year ago, and I felt the lack of closure, as we hurriedly packed our things among the muck and soot. For me (and again, likely many others) it is also instinctive to focus my senses on any new environment that I am entering for a significant time. Like a cat circling around someone, taking them in, adjusting to the sight and sound of someone, before it allows itself to be pet.

I haven't yet spent a night at the studio, but I've been visiting there for a few days now, slowly moving things in. When I get out of the car I do a 180, to fully take in the Riviera view. I walk slowly along the landscaped stepping stones, memorizing their placement to prepare for future late dark nights. I've run my hands along the bathroom tile, feeling their freshly cleaned coolness. I pause as I lock the door to leave, trying my best to take in the scent of the hundreds of roses planted all around. This is my new home, and I want my senses to know it.

Cruising

There are 7 stoplights on my way to work. They were all green for me this morning. Got to the office in record time. On a day where my to-do list is 2.7 miles long, its nice when the world does seem to be conspiring in my favor.




Life has been so busy lately... I feel like I'm back in college during those times I'd have back to back classes, meetings, work, appointments, and things to do on my own in between, and where I have to time things exactly, like my workout can be just from 5:20 to 6:05, so I can be at the next place when I said I would, etc. I am managing fine and getting most everything done in my personal and professional matters, but I can feel the drain. I am capable of strict time management, but not a lover of it. I like being busy... life feels strange when I'm not, but doing does not energize me as it does some.

For example, my friend Jon... he is currently working from about 8:30-3 every weekday in a commercial real estate office, and then between 4-5 heads off to his job at a restaurant until midnight or after. On Saturdays he works again at the restaurant. He has done this at other times in his life, and is doing it now just to get a running start financially after finishing college. I think that I literally could not do that. I don't think I would be able to make it through two days of this, and if I did, I think the most I could give at each job would be like 25%. He is looking forward to a couple month from now when "life isn't as crazy"... I am just in awe that he's living through it. Same with my friend Meg, who works like 80 hours a week during tax season, and this year studied for a CPA exam at least 15 hours a week on top of that for the last month of the season. Both of these friends have a good attitude, and whenever I've seen Meg she's been upbeat and ready for it to slow down but still able to give it her all. I would keel over after a couple days of living in her shoes as well. Mary is the same way... her life is more like mine has been lately, only that's how she goes throughout the entire year. She does more in a day than anyone I know... phone calls, appointments, exercise, pick up her daughter, drop off some furniture at a property, errands for her business and her husband's... I have never known her to spend an entire day relaxing, she is always moving, doing projects, planning, repainting some wall, etc. It's quite inspiring and intimidating at the same time.

Sometimes I think I'm just lazy compared to these people. And that may be partially true... but I've realized in the past couple years that the main difference between me and people like Jon, Meg, and Mary is that they are strongly extraverted, and I am not. They get tired from extremely long days, but the activity and the doing energizes them for more. One phone conversation will pump them up for another. The more things Mary can fit in before bedtime, the happier she is. Jon may be tired late at night but he gets a kick out of talking to and serving people. I ignore my phone a lot, talking on the phone drains me at times. Don't know that I've ever personally seen Meg or Mary ignore theirs. They don't love people any more than I do, they just get energized by the interaction.

The difference in people coming from whether they are extraverted or introverted certainly varies, and its definitely not that all extraverts are like those friends of mine or that introverts are like me. How much you like doing things as opposed to reflecting on them also has to do with whether you prefer S or N, or J or P. But the reason Jon, Meg, and Mary are like they are is greatly because the outside world energizes them.

The world takes all sorts to spin 'round... thank goodness.


(from my most trusted site...)
Extraversion and Introversion

When we talk about "extraversion" and "introversion", we are distinguishing between the two worlds in which all of us live. There is a world inside ourselves, and a world outside ourselves. When we are dealing with the world outside of ourself, we are "extraverting". When we are inside our own minds, we are "introverting".

We are extraverting when we:
Talk to other people
Listen to what someone is saying
Cook dinner, or make a cup of coffee
Work on a car

We are introverting when we:
Read a book
Think about what we want to say or do
Are aware of how we feel
Think through a problem so that we understand it

Within the context of personality typing, the important distinction is which world we live in more often. Do we define our life's direction externally or internally? Which world gives us our energy, and which do we perhaps find draining?

Imperfect Masterpieces

"One must not always think that feeling is everything. Art is nothing without form."

* Gustave Flaubert-1846

Say that we were to continue this metaphor briefly to apply it to the "feeling" and "thinking" preferences of Myers Briggs. So, feelings are the art, thoughts are the form. Maybe some would take issue with this, but I find it helpful. I've thought a lot lately about how we make our decisions, and within the how, why? Remember that this letter preference symbolizes not how much of feeling or thinking you do, but which guides you most often when you make decisions... from everything from what you'll be eating for lunch, what you'll be doing with your tax rebate, what job you choose, to who you marry.

According to my favorite MB site, "When someone makes a decision that is based on logic and reason, they are operating in Thinking mode. When someone makes a decision that is based on their value system, or what they believe to be right, they are operating in Feeling mode." We can make decisions using just one preference or the other, but most decisions involved a combination of both. Decisions that are harder are likely because we are conflicted between our T and F sides, and in these cases, our dominant preference usually wins. Decisions made without much conflict are usually a result of being in sync with both sides.

Regardless of whether we are Ts or Fs, I believe we make our best decisions when we take all the facts into consideration, and also our knowledge of ourselves as well..."will I be okay with this choice in a month? In a year?" The more you know yourself, as well as know what your goals are personally, the easier it is to make small daily choices (should I buy this shirt or should I save my money) as well as larger scale choice.

When I was 4, my mom considered home-schooling me instead of sending me to kindergarten and then grade school. She thought about the effort it would take to coordinate it, with getting the appropriate curriculum and accountability check-ins and all, along with already having a 3 year old and one on the way. I think she did some research on effectiveness and whether it had a social impact on children who homeschooled early on. She put a lot of objective & logical Thinking into the decision. But as I recall her saying, in the end, she decided to start my education at home because it felt right. She looked at me and just felt that I would flourish in that environment and learn to love learning. And I did. She did a great job for those first couple years before I started public school, and I have benefited from it ever since, I believe.

So if our lives were painted landscapes, created as we go, they would turn out best with proportional amounts of both artistic creativity and form. What would Van Gogh's Starry Night have been without his knowledge of color and diligence in pattern? On the other hand, paint-by-numbers art is fun for children, teaching them shape and form, but there isn't as much variety and beauty in art that doesn't have the freedom of expression. Also, we are allowed mistakes; art is often more valuable when you can see the imperfections.

Our feelings aren't our only and best guide; they can be fleeting or selfish, and neither are our thoughts, as they can be based on inaccurate information or inconsiderate. We all default to one preference more often, but wisely using both and then proceeding with choices you know to be best for you and others is how we make a true work of art from our lives.

Let there be light.

Was skipping around the internet on Myers Briggs pages and found a funny site asking what each of the 16 types would say when asked how many of them it would take to change a lightbulb. What would your answer be? ;)


ISTJ
One worked in the past, so one will work now!


ISFJ
Only one, me, as long as it is OK with everyone else.


INFJ
Does the light bulb really want to be changed?


INTJ
Could you please define change? And what exactly do you mean by a light bulb?


ISTP
1


ISFP
O, the ISFP is happy just sitting there and experiencing the dark


INFP
2, one to change it and one for support


INTP
Hmm...light..., illuminate..., I=10.76LT(I/4f)(F/V)² Hcos40+If


ESTP
None, till I check the breaker.


ESFP
Who cares - the important thing is that it would be fun!


ENFP
Well let's see, there's one to notice the bulb is out, and one to make a new lampshade, and one to read a magazine article on alternative lighting means, and one to draw a picture of a candle, and...


ENTP
One, but only after tightening, wiggling, shaking, testing, etc. to make sure it's not something else


ESTJ
The cost/benefit ratio would dictate only one.


ESFJ
At least 2 - let me get on the phone and call someone to come over...


ENFJ
But that was my favorite light bulb!


ENTJ
YOU!!! CHANGE THAT DAMN BULB!!!


(...so funny to me that some of these answers like "check the breaker" are so practical, I never would have thought of them! Or so simple and straighforward, just like their type. I do identify with the INFP answer, but I thought the ENFJ answer sounded a lot like me too, as Zac pointed out!)

Treating Plants Like Friends

I was lovin' the warm Santa Ana winds blowing through SB last week. There are few things I enjoy more than a warm night, where you can sit outside after dark in a tank top and not feel the slightest chill. I love our backyard; I feel so peaceful when I can sit out there (or look out from my bedroom window) and take in the city lights.

So its been really cold this week, but since last week was warmer than usual that meant that plants were needing more water. Every week I visit our listings to make sure they are still looking nice and clean and that the properties are at their maximum marketing potential. That includes watering all the plants that we use for staging. I made my weekly visit a little earlier to check on them because of the heat. Now I've always known that taking care of plants was not a strength of mine. Maybe that's putting it mildly. When I was an R.A. at Westmont the student life director gave all of the R.A.s plants in pots to keep in our rooms and take care of at the beginning of the year, to symbolize to us how we needed to nurture our residents and help them grow. Well, mine lasted about two weeks. I made sure nobody in my section figured out the symbolism behind the dried brown leaves on my poor little plant.

A few years later and I'm having trouble keeping plants under my care alive again. Sometimes a couple of the plants I water wilt or get brown leaves, and I can't understand what's wrong, since I'm watering them regularly! So I've been blaming it on the plants, not myself. Which is wrong, of course. And it has recently occurred to me that what I don't naturally do with plants (or other "things", for that matter), is what I focus on doing with people. Individualization.

Anna J. was recently talking about how she took the StrengthsFinder test and that Individualization came up as one of her top five strengths. She said this strength was the ability/desire to look for each person's unique traits and study the differences between people and how they interact based on those differences. I realized that this concept of "approaching people differently" is something I've always strived to do. I can't stand to be unoriginal in/unaware of my approach to others, whether it's how I talk to them or how I seek to understand them. It pained me back in the day to see others write in yearbooks, "You're soooo sweet! Have a nice summer!". Really pained me. Life is too short to be generic. Zero in on who a person is and what your relation to them is. Did they make you laugh in history class? Say so! Did they encourage others during soccer practice? Tell 'em. Whether I was close with someone or not, that was my yearbook-signing philosophy. To narrow in, to get specific with someone, I think that makes people feel known. I love feeling known, and I try to pass on that feeling. Base your responses and understanding of who you interact with on how they are an Individual. I think it's a key factor in making new friends, deepening old friendships, being a good parent to each of your different kids, winning over your boss, being a good teacher or R.A., etc. There are other key factors, but this is one gets less publicity.

So getting back to the plants, they, sorry to say, must not feel known. The ivies, the orchids, the potted trees, and all the other ones I don't know the names of... they aren't being treated like they are a unique type of plant. Do they need sun or not? Watering twice a week or every other? Heck if I know. But I'm going to get better at individualizing those Things in life that I generalize, like plants, laundry, and dishware. Both people and things flourish when you zero in on what makes them different from one another, and act accordingly.

What comes naturally

I walked into the office this morning during the weekly agent meeting for Prudential, and to my delight, our broker was asking all the agents to check their email and follow the link she sent us to take a personality test! Of course I did just that as soon as I was able. This particular evaluation is called the Core Capacities Index. I'd never heard of it, and it might have been developed specifically for Prudential by corporate, from what it looked like on the website. Anyway, this diagram illustrated

my results. Seems like the CCI is based on four basic personality types, a common system found in personality typing. The Core Capacities and what they are supposed to represent are:
Builder: Power
Merchant: Inspiration
Innovator: Wisdom
Banker: Knowledge

So apparently I have Merchant/Innovator tendencies. My result printout tells me that The Merchant works by the "cornerstone" of Inspiration and works best when they are able to motivate others with their vision and are at harmony with others. The Innovator's cornerstone is Wisdom, with understanding and compassion being central to my life strategy.
It wasn't the most original assessment I've taken, and it was a bit frilly. But I'm a fan of whatever any business is doing to help people understand themselves better.

I recently read that the Gallup Organization found that more than 70% of people “languish” in their jobs and never reach peak performance because they are stuck in a business environment that is at odds with their natural talents. How disappointing. I know that many people can't start out in their working life in exactly what suits them best, and that sometimes the stage they are at in life will call for them to do something else for a time that doesn't exactly speak to their strengths, but I think if I met a genie and had three wishes the first might be that everyone I know would find a job where they can thrive and use their natural talents. Either that or I would wish for the ability to disapparate.

My friend Anna and I had lunch the other day and got to talking about what sorts of things we gravitated towards and received praise for when we were kids. She said that she always felt drawn to sales. You know that type of kid, they're 9 and running the school bake sale and making a killing. That was her. She would make hats and her dad would help her sell them to the ladies at church. I laughed thinking about that.

I was, to say the least, quite different. I had a hard time selling Girl Scout cookies, and those sell themselves! Even though I know the CCI term Merchant didn't mean that you necessarily are good at selling things, I still thought it was kinda funny that I landed that title on the test. As Anna and I talked I realized that when I was grade-school age, I gravitated towards and received praise for creative expression. That mostly took the forms of writing and performing (musically and in plays). Both of those things came naturally and I wouldn't have thought not to do them. Anna and I discussed how what came naturally to you as a child can be a leading indicator of what areas you might be successful in later in life. She is very successful in her job in pharmaceutical sales. And although I have had zero desire to perform in any plays since I've been an adult, I know that when I can use creativity in my work, I flourish. I still love writing, and whenever I can apply my skills in that way, I feel fulfilled.

Think back about what you did well as a child and see how much of it is appearing in your life today, and if you happen to need more direction as far as job choice, take a hint from your elementary-aged self. To some this might seem like an obvious idea, but look deeper than at what was obvious. It definitely took me a few minutes to figure out. Lots of kids are good at and praised for general things, like grades, sports, clean rooms, etc. Only a few kids can be the troop leader in Girl Scout Cookie sales.

Let me know what you figure out!

Getting it out of my system...

I'm going to work on posting more often, and posting on any good and coherent idea that comes to mind; not necessarily on Myers-Briggs. Kinda been difficult to do any posting at all lately, my home computer's been down and I was studying to take my real estate test all of September! I passed it, by the way. ;)
This post is on MB though, and it's on the basics, because I find myself struggling sometimes to explain what the letters mean in a straightforward and simplified way. Some friends have asked me the best way to explain it to others, but even after all I read about it I have trouble giving a consistent answer. So here's my best shot at summarizing each of the four aspects, with words that characterize them and short sentences as well. Each letter of your type reflects your preference, when you could use either of the two, but choose one more often than the other...


Whether you're an E or an I depends on where you get your energy and most like to direct your attention towards. We are Extraverting when we deal with the world outside of ourselves. We are Introverting when we are inside our own minds.


E- Extraverted

Sociability
External Events
Breadth
Multiple relationships

*Minds are outwardly directed, mostly on immediate environment.
*Often verbalize as they observe and make decisions or react to the world around them.
*Very comfortable around people and things.
*Energized by discussion, conversation.
*Are people of action and practical achievement.
*Do not usually need to be alone to recharge.
*Relaxed and confident attitude, plunge readily into new and untried experiences.

I- Introverted

Concentration
Internal reactions
Depth
Intense
Territoriality
Reflective

*Usually keep observations and decisions inside.
*Energized by thoughts and ideas but drained by too much discussion.
*Find it necessary to be alone to recharge.
*Attitude is more reserved and questioning, pause to truly observe before trying new things.
*People of ideas and abstract invention.
*Intense and passionate


The second letter, either S or N, refers to how you take in information, how we perceive things...

S-Sensing

Sequential
Present
Realistic
Factual
Specific

*Sees the trees more than the forest.
*Practical about life, hands-on, involved in here and now aspects of a situation.
*Whatever comes through their own experiences and five senses is more trustworthy than what comes from others through the spoken or written word.
*Less patience for theory or the abstract, focus on "what is", not "what can be".
*Intensely aware of external environment, observant at the expense of imagination.
*Love life as it is, usually pretty content, by nature pleasure lovers and consumers.

N- Intuitive

Random
Future
Conceptual
Theoretical
Fantasy
General

*Sees the forest more than the trees.
*Grasp information quickly, intuiting the conclusion from minimal known information.
*Engaged with the possibilities, are original and enterprising, impatient with details.
*Intensely aware of internal consciousness, imaginative at the expense of observation.
*Small capacity for living in and enjoying the present, are often restless.



The third letter, T or F, is about how you make decisions; how you judge. Both are reasonable and internally consistent for each person. Do not mistake it with whether one is thoughtful and intelligent or emotional and sensitive, it is based on how one ultimately decides on something.

F-Feeling

Subjective
Circumstantial
Persuasive
Harmony
Involved
Tactful over Truthful

*Decision-making process driven by interpersonal involvement, focus of impact upon people.
*Naturally more friendly, find it hard to be brief and business-like.
*Likely to agree with people around them, or appear to.
*Contribute to welfare of society by loyal support of good works in communities, and their personal service.

T-Thinking

Objective
Laws
Just
Critique
Detached
Truthful over Tactful

*Tend not to get personally involved and prefer that the consequences of an action be the driving force of a decision.
*Strive for justice and clarity, being firm-minded.
*Likely to question conclusions of others.
*Naturally more brief and business-like, enjoy getting to the point tend to not "take it personal"
*Contribute to welfare of society by the exposure of wrongs, solution to problems, and support of science and research.



The fourth letter, J or P, relates to how you move about the outside (extraverted) world...whether you use your information gathering function (N or S)and "Perceive" your way through the world or your decision making function (T or F) and "Judge" your way through the world.

P-Perceiving

Open-ended
Adaptive
Tentative
Spontaneous
Aim to miss nothing

*Prefer environments in work and leisure that allow them to be flexible, responsive, and experience the new.
*Live according to situation of the moment, prefer grey area.
*Tendency to keep collecting new information and put off drawing conclusions on any subject, plan, or person.
*Enjoy alternatives and new directions, expect that what is unknown will be interesting.
*Share their perceptions as opposed to their judgments.
*More curious than decisive.


J-Judging

Decided
Structure
Follow through
Scheduled
Aim to be right

*Prefer environments in work and leisure that allow them to be purposeful, controlled, and productive.
*Live according to plans, standards, and customs that the moment should conform to, prefer black and white.
*Tendency towards settling matters quickly, liking to be prepared against the
unexpected and unknown.
*Enjoy continuity and routine, and once they decide to do something, they do it.
*Share their judgments as opposed to their perceptions.
*More decisive than curious.

Green but with some Pink as well...

I was talking to my roommate Laura a couple weeks ago about personality typing and her hesitations about the concept. She was telling me that sometime in the middle of high school several classes had students take this personality test that classified people as different colors. Blue, Green, Purple, Yellow... there were just a handful of possible "personalities" you could be. She ended up being Green or something. She said that for the next couple years of high school her friends would still sometimes refer to each other as the color that they had been classified as, like, "Hey, Red!" To have herself and her friends put into categories felt limiting to her, and she didn't like how it seemed to give reason to be divided, even though it was such a simple thing. Laura realized she wasn't the only one who'd felt this way when a friend asked her later on if she'd ever felt like she could have been a different color, that more than just one personality type and "color" could have worked for them. I told Laura that I really understood what she was saying. Sounds like a common response to those basic personality typing tests. Maybe you were Green, but Pink felt like you too, especially in certain situations or with certain people.





Laura was basically saying that it seemed like figuring out your personality type had the potential to separate you from other people who might have different letters (or colors), limit you from maybe sometimes being another type, and can create boxes in your head and in others predicting how a person of a certain type will act.


I agree with her! It does have that potential. Sometimes, even though I try to avoid it, I start assuming certain things about people with the F or T preference, or thinking automatically that someone prefers N from one single comment or action. I try on this blog to refrain (though I'm sure I'll slip up) from calling someone an E, or an S, or a P, and I say that their letter is their "preference", in order to prevent the feeling of being totally classified.


I told Laura that Myers-Briggs was invented in order to help people realize their strengths. Isabel Briggs Myers developed the system around the time of World War 2 when women were having to work in place of the men who were gone to war. Isabel wanted a system that would help you understand how you function to assist people in figuring out where they would fit in best in the workplace, since many women had never been in it before. MB is now used widely for assisting in career counseling, business development, relationships with family, friends, and significant others, and for general self-exploration. Knowing the four letters of your preference, and then those of your spouse, roommate, or boss should not be an excuse to differentiate yourself from them, but to understand them better. And from there, love them better as well.


Lately I've been pondering an idea related to the "we are more than one color" thought. I've been considering just how different people I know that are the same type are from each other. My friend Becca is an INTP, but so is my friend Josh. My roommate Andrea is an ESFP, but so are several others that I know, including my friends Johnny, Josiah, and my brother Ian. I see how this is made evident in the similarities between these people, and it's fascinating to me. But just how different they are from each other is incredible as well. I've been asked before why that is. One reason for that is this; that two people with the same four letter type can have different strengths of their preferences. One might be an ESFP with a very strong E and F, and another, have a stronger S preference that makes them act differently. But mostly I think it is our humanity that makes us each so unique. And that is obviously not a new idea. We are individuals, and our various backgrounds, parents, college experiences, friends, habits, and surroundings contribute to our whole just as much as a preference for Introversion or Extraversion does.



My favorite chapter in the bible is Psalm 139. To read of how God has searched me and knows me, and is "familiar with all my ways" is so comforting. The verses describing how we cannot flee from him, "even if I settle on the far side of the sea"; they are haunting and beautiful. We are told that we are "wonderfully made." And then we read that His thoughts, toward us, are so vast, so many, that they "outnumber the grains of sand." How utterly amazing. God has more thoughts about me, and about my future, than grains of sand I can put my towel down on at Butterfly Beach. And it's that way for everyone who has ever or has yet to live.
We are so similar to each other in our humanity, yet so different in it too. With God over each of us, with more thoughts towards us than we can comprehend, we will always be more than four letters. Or the color green.

Taking It All In

What were you more likely to do with this tree if it had been in your backyard as a kid?

I think that both your answer to this question and also what thoughts pop into your head as you're coming to that answer are strong evidence as to whether you have a preference for S (Sensing) or for N (iNtuition).

Let me first briefly describe what these preferences mean, as they can be the hardest of all the preferences to truly understand. In the four letter Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I personally find the difference between the two possible second letters to be the most influential and fascinating.
Essentially, the second letter tells how you most naturally take in information; how you perceive the world around you. "Sensing" is becoming aware of things through your five senses, what you can actually see, touch, hear. Those who prefer sensing are acutely aware of the here and now, the present moment. They absorb data in a literal, concrete fashion. We also take information in through "Intuition", our indirect perception of things unseen, the conceptualization of ideas and patterns and possibilities. People with the N preference prefer to focus on the underlying meaning and symbolism in the information they take in.
Check one of these out to see it laid out clearly and concisely:
http://www.personalitypage.com/four-prefs.html#SN
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html


We all take in information both by sensing and our intuition, but your letter preference comes from which one you rely on and use the most.
This letter can be difficult to decipher for many people, for we aren't always conscious of how we are taking in information. But I have found that whether you prefer S or N greatly determines so many other things in your life, almost more than any other letter. What you find humorous, how you describe yourself or others, what you do in your free time, what jobs you are drawn to, and so much else. I will touch upon those things another time, but I mostly wanted to bring up how your preference for S or N likely affected your playtime when you were a kid.


One of my preferred and most accurate ways of figuring out if a friend prefers S or N is to ask what they did for fun when they were little. What games they played, and if they played pretend, what did they pretend. I've found that Sensors liked to "do". They would build forts, make swords from sticks, set up house and enjoy imitating whatever Mom or Dad did. When they play pretend, they often are an actual character, such as a ninja, or a mommy or a cook. It relates to how they like to focus on what they can see and touch, to "do" is to be. Doing is fun. Here's where the tree comes in. If you prefer S, you might have seen that picture above, and when asked what you would have done with that tree, you might have thought, "Duh! I would climb it!" My stepdad and brother are both Ss, and they would have been hanging from the highest branches, scaring their moms, or practicing their swordplay against the trunk. It would have served as another sort of playmate for them.


If you prefer N, your thoughts might have been different, as mine were when I saw that photo. I saw it and thought, "Oh the possibilities!" If I had been a kid around that tree, more important to me than the tree physically being there, was the meaning behind it, and how it would contribute to my pretend games. This is in tune with the N preference for focusing on underlying meaning. That big and inviting tree would serve as the backdrop to my and my N sister's elaborate pretend games, where we didn't focus so much on doing as we did on the "imagining". Therein lies the N difference. "That tree is our palace and we are princesses who..." or "The tree is our forest and we are elves and we are trying to..."
To imagine is to be, for an N.


I'd like to add on, that if it's not climbing or exploring that they are doing, that a child preferring S might more often be found kicking a ball around beneath that tree, while an N child would more often be reading beneath it. Again, these activities relate to the preference for either the here and now and love for action, or for symbols and the abstract and what is not of the present.


And again, like I do, I'll give a disclaimer... my S brother played a mean game of pretend with my sister and me. He made an excellent elf. And my sister can definitely climb a tree (she loves hanging from things). Your S or N preference is not an absolute, it is just your relied-upon way of taking things in and how it affects what you are drawn to do.


And now I'll stop "imagining" how great it will be to run to the beach and actually do it.

where to begin...

To start is the hardest part. So here we go...

Found this picture online, and it was titled:

"this is what i was put on earth to do"

First of all, I like stick figure drawings, but more seriously, I just like the sweet simplicity of this picture, and what it symbolizes to me. I think the artist used throwing confetti just as a neutral, joyful substitute for whatever it is we start doing and discover that we were "meant to do it".

Throwing confetti for me is talking to people about who they are and how that shapes their choices, relationships, direction, and even what they put on their blog or facebook or whatnot. I love these two things about the study of people... 1) it is subjective and irregular, and... 2) despite that, human behavior can be somewhat patterned and predicted.

If you know me, you know I love the Myers-Briggs personality type theory. That's an understatement, I know. ;) Simply said, with plenty of professional opinion backing me up, it is the most complete personality-typing instrument out there. I'm all about using it as a tool, and not as a box. The letters of your MB (Myers-Briggs from now on, ya heard?) type don't define you for me, or me for myself. But for awhile now I've wanted to write about observations and anecdotes and general fun things that I notice about life that have to do with the "type preferences" of people I know and myself, without geeking out too much on explaining Myers-Briggs, so that I don't get too boring. Here's a link to a page that I think makes it somewhat easy to figure out your type and explains it simply:

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

Because she already said I could mention her in my posts, tonight's note is about the difference between my friend Meg and I, a difference that pretty much works in her favor. For the record, her letters are ESTJ ( http://www.personalitypage.com/ESTJ.html) and mine are INFP (http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html).

I give her full credit for me finally starting this blog. Essentially, she said, "Just do it." Just pick a name, stop looking for the most perfect title for it. Just write your first entry. Just do it. I needed to have that push! The letter that is the biggest source of this difference is the fourth letter, our "action orientation" towards the world around us. With her J preference, Meg tends to be decisive and results oriented. If you want something done, it's simple. Decide what you need to do and do it. Preferring the P preference, along with the rest of my letters, I am an idealist, sometimes to a fault. I delight in the possibilities, want things to work out just right, closure can wait. I can hardly "just do" something that I care about if it's not going to be perfect. As I type this my eyes wander over towards my still only 3/4 finished Europe Semester photo album. 3 1/2 years later, and still slowly working towards that elusive perfection.

This doesn't mean that I can't get things done, or that Meg never puts things off for tomorrow. Preferring P has its benefits, and I like my type. But generally, I look to my friends with the J preference for the inspiration to not only start the race, but to finish it in good time.

I should probably get going. I need to pick up all this confetti on the floor and get to bed.