Things that were reaffirmed for me this weekend...
1. a weekend feels exponentially longer the less sleep you get. also, if you start the craziness on thursday night (i.e. seeing The Dark Knight at midnight) yet still work on friday, when monday morning comes you will feel like you got more bang for your weekend buck. i feel like i'm back in my early twenties.
2. every opportunity to see Coldplay perform must be taken, and their new album is my favorite, which is saying an incredible lot. viva la vida was designed to add euphoria to any meaningful or lovely scene in one's life. it's impossible for you to disagree with me on this.
3. the student loans i'm paying off are worth every penny when i consider the network of friends that my college has set me up with, which continues to be the crowning glory of my life post-graduation.
4. H&M has got it going on.
5. if you are intelligent, a great communicator, and are not only intuitive of your audience but convey goodwill towards them, you will have a powerful presence and a large and loyal following. the idea is applicable in any field, but it's refreshing to see proof of it in the blogosphere.
Lessons learned from the weekend...
1. i need to get a dslr camera if i want to have better photos. and i want to have better photos.
2. twitter is a crazy phenomenon that has some people participating in life with just 3/4 of themselves at best, and i kinda hope we as a society evolve out of this need for constant attention and feedback.
3. if you've been blogging for only a year you are a noob. exhibit a, yours truly.
4. i will always miss living in the dorms. we stayed at the urban house for our girls weekend & conference in the city and i swear it is good for the soul to have a dose of staying with friends in shared & easily accessible rooms and ordering pizza late at night while we read funny stuff out loud.
5. if you dance like no one's watching, people will either: a) watch b) take video/photos of you and possibly wink at you once they finish or c) join in.
Showing posts with label mid-twenties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mid-twenties. Show all posts
Monday, July 21, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
In the key of A Flat.
I believe one of the least favorable things about being an adult is car trouble. Every time an issue comes up, whether something needs fixing or just maintenance, I feel a little bit like I have been dealt an injustice, and that when I got excited about growing up, this was Not what I'd signed up for. And I have had quite a bit of experience in this department from the time I've had my license until today. I've had a transmission blow out in the middle of the freeway in the rain in Fresno, had something explode in the engine (I now forget what) and bring me to a stop an hour outside of my hometown, I've been in a car that flipped over in a freeway accident, and then you have your run-of-the-mill breakdowns around town. And then, last week, my car overheated. Found out why, and got that taken care of.
And then today, a flat tire. Sweet.
However. This led me to think about one of the best things for me about being (or becoming) an adult.
You learn how to handle crap. The capable hands of experience take hold and guide you through, pointing you the way around the obstacles, which over time begin to look like just minor speed bumps. This experience will whisper to you, "It's going to be fine. You will figure this out. There will be people to help. Soon it will be over and you will not be worse for the wear."
This morning as I chatted with a co-worker in the parking lot her eyes caught something and she pointed. My gaze followed her finger to see one of my back tires so flat that there was no chance I'd be able to drive it even the shortest distance for a quick replacement. It had been fine that morning, and a couple hours later, it was useless. I saw it, but felt no dismay, and was even almost amused. My immediate thought was, "This situation could easily be worse," followed by "There are several ways I can resolve this, and I'll get started right away." A few minutes later it occurred to me that I hadn't gotted bummed or annoyed at the injustice, inconvenience, and expense of it all, as I have in similar and of course worse situations in the past. I was matter-of-factly working on a solution, and though it made my busy day even busier and more expensive, there was hardly a blip on my stress radar because of it.
Becoming an adult has snuck up on me. And even though I don't always relish this fact, I'm seeing increasingly that the bad things about it are far outweighed by the good and the great.
And then today, a flat tire. Sweet.
However. This led me to think about one of the best things for me about being (or becoming) an adult.
You learn how to handle crap. The capable hands of experience take hold and guide you through, pointing you the way around the obstacles, which over time begin to look like just minor speed bumps. This experience will whisper to you, "It's going to be fine. You will figure this out. There will be people to help. Soon it will be over and you will not be worse for the wear."
This morning as I chatted with a co-worker in the parking lot her eyes caught something and she pointed. My gaze followed her finger to see one of my back tires so flat that there was no chance I'd be able to drive it even the shortest distance for a quick replacement. It had been fine that morning, and a couple hours later, it was useless. I saw it, but felt no dismay, and was even almost amused. My immediate thought was, "This situation could easily be worse," followed by "There are several ways I can resolve this, and I'll get started right away." A few minutes later it occurred to me that I hadn't gotted bummed or annoyed at the injustice, inconvenience, and expense of it all, as I have in similar and of course worse situations in the past. I was matter-of-factly working on a solution, and though it made my busy day even busier and more expensive, there was hardly a blip on my stress radar because of it.
Becoming an adult has snuck up on me. And even though I don't always relish this fact, I'm seeing increasingly that the bad things about it are far outweighed by the good and the great.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Sights & Sounds
Recent sights...
Taken from my street...smoke coming from the Gap Fire burning
up the hills of Goleta
I went for a walk in the morning on the Fourth, and around the corner saw this house laden with patriotic decor and handmade signs (likely by kids) with tidbits about our country's fight for & declaration of Independence. I was touched by their unique attention to the
meaning of the holiday.
Click on the photos to see them bigger and to read the signs...
Recent sounds...
I run the stadium stairs a SB City College a couple times a week, and this past month I've been pairing that with my Coldplay's new album blasting through my headphones. Reaching the top of the stairs while "Lovers in Japan" soars into its musical climax and then turning around to see the Pacific stretching out far far into the blue... There is nothing like it.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Sensing
I'm not the greatest with my 5 senses...
I don't have impeccable hearing, at least so I've been told. I'm quite near-sighted; my contacts are -3.50 and it seems that this is a stronger prescription than most have. I am the last to smell something, if at all.
Preferring Introversion and iNtuition only make me less aware of my senses. Since I'm more often oriented toward what's in my mind that what's around me because I prefer "I", I am less attune to my physical environment. Meg told me one time that she liked some of the household decor items that were for sale at Ralphs, and I had no idea what she was talking about. She said the items are always sitting at the front of the store so you're facing them when you're at the register. I looked next time I was there and was floored; I'd never noticed them. And because I prefer iNtuition over Sensing, I use and rely on my senses much less than some others. Mary always notices if a floor is slanted or if there is a gassy smell or if you can hear the waves crashing at a property; I have to feel, smell, or listen a second or third time.
But the past couple weeks I've been trying to focus on fully Sensing my environment. Tonight is our last night in our house. I'm all about beautiful surroundings, more than most I know. But I don't always stop to take in the physicalness of it. For a couple weeks I have been careful to pause on my way from the car to the door, inhaling the fragrant air and salty smell of our hill by the Mesa. I've made time to just sit and stare out at the view from my window, taking in every light and tree and rooftop and hill I can see from our perch. I've walked outside at night and paused, to feel the particular mixture of ocean breeze, Santa Ana winds, and clean clear air that stirs up around our Crestline.
It is instinctive to me, and probably to most, to intentionally take in our surroundings as we leave something for the last time. I did that before I graduated from Westmont. I didn't really get to do it before we left our beloved house on the west side that caught fire a year ago, and I felt the lack of closure, as we hurriedly packed our things among the muck and soot. For me (and again, likely many others) it is also instinctive to focus my senses on any new environment that I am entering for a significant time. Like a cat circling around someone, taking them in, adjusting to the sight and sound of someone, before it allows itself to be pet.
I haven't yet spent a night at the studio, but I've been visiting there for a few days now, slowly moving things in. When I get out of the car I do a 180, to fully take in the Riviera view. I walk slowly along the landscaped stepping stones, memorizing their placement to prepare for future late dark nights. I've run my hands along the bathroom tile, feeling their freshly cleaned coolness. I pause as I lock the door to leave, trying my best to take in the scent of the hundreds of roses planted all around. This is my new home, and I want my senses to know it.
I don't have impeccable hearing, at least so I've been told. I'm quite near-sighted; my contacts are -3.50 and it seems that this is a stronger prescription than most have. I am the last to smell something, if at all.
Preferring Introversion and iNtuition only make me less aware of my senses. Since I'm more often oriented toward what's in my mind that what's around me because I prefer "I", I am less attune to my physical environment. Meg told me one time that she liked some of the household decor items that were for sale at Ralphs, and I had no idea what she was talking about. She said the items are always sitting at the front of the store so you're facing them when you're at the register. I looked next time I was there and was floored; I'd never noticed them. And because I prefer iNtuition over Sensing, I use and rely on my senses much less than some others. Mary always notices if a floor is slanted or if there is a gassy smell or if you can hear the waves crashing at a property; I have to feel, smell, or listen a second or third time.
But the past couple weeks I've been trying to focus on fully Sensing my environment. Tonight is our last night in our house. I'm all about beautiful surroundings, more than most I know. But I don't always stop to take in the physicalness of it. For a couple weeks I have been careful to pause on my way from the car to the door, inhaling the fragrant air and salty smell of our hill by the Mesa. I've made time to just sit and stare out at the view from my window, taking in every light and tree and rooftop and hill I can see from our perch. I've walked outside at night and paused, to feel the particular mixture of ocean breeze, Santa Ana winds, and clean clear air that stirs up around our Crestline.
It is instinctive to me, and probably to most, to intentionally take in our surroundings as we leave something for the last time. I did that before I graduated from Westmont. I didn't really get to do it before we left our beloved house on the west side that caught fire a year ago, and I felt the lack of closure, as we hurriedly packed our things among the muck and soot. For me (and again, likely many others) it is also instinctive to focus my senses on any new environment that I am entering for a significant time. Like a cat circling around someone, taking them in, adjusting to the sight and sound of someone, before it allows itself to be pet.
I haven't yet spent a night at the studio, but I've been visiting there for a few days now, slowly moving things in. When I get out of the car I do a 180, to fully take in the Riviera view. I walk slowly along the landscaped stepping stones, memorizing their placement to prepare for future late dark nights. I've run my hands along the bathroom tile, feeling their freshly cleaned coolness. I pause as I lock the door to leave, trying my best to take in the scent of the hundreds of roses planted all around. This is my new home, and I want my senses to know it.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
98 and 3/4 percent
I graduated from college on May 8, 2004.
It's been four years since then. I've thought about this for a couple months now, how I'm "graduating from having graduated." For so long years were measured in fours (especially since my middle school was 5-8th grade). Class of '96, then Class of '00, then Class of '04... I don't feel like this is some major milestone or anything, but it is noteworthy to me and has prompted me to think about all I've done and experienced and how I've grown since then.
An aunt and uncle gave me a copy of Dr. Seuss' book "Oh the Places You'll Go" when I graduated from high school. I thought it was cute then. But now I think it gains more significance with every year more of experience one has. Here's most of it...I think its a worthy read.
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
and hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on...
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won...
But I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot...
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
It's been four years since then. I've thought about this for a couple months now, how I'm "graduating from having graduated." For so long years were measured in fours (especially since my middle school was 5-8th grade). Class of '96, then Class of '00, then Class of '04... I don't feel like this is some major milestone or anything, but it is noteworthy to me and has prompted me to think about all I've done and experienced and how I've grown since then.
An aunt and uncle gave me a copy of Dr. Seuss' book "Oh the Places You'll Go" when I graduated from high school. I thought it was cute then. But now I think it gains more significance with every year more of experience one has. Here's most of it...I think its a worthy read.
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
and hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on...
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won...
But I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot...
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Measuring Up
"But how can the characters in a play guess the plot? We are not the playwright, we are not the producer, we are not even the audience. We are on the stage. To play well the scenes in which we are "on" concerns us much more than to guess about the scenes that follow it."
~C.S. Lewis "The World's Last Night"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~C.S. Lewis "The World's Last Night"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So you're one of our top picks for tenants to rent the studio," the man said. He spoke slowly, so very slowly, not like my sister and I whose words sometime spill over onto each other they come out so quickly. This was my third meeting with him in as many days, and he had many good things to say, but it took him awhile to get them out. I just wanted to know the answer; whether I not I'd get to rent the cute studio on his property. But I dare not interrupt.
"When we have several good options for tenants; each having financial stability, good references, and are nice people, we then use a different way of comparing them. Others may choose their renters differently, but for us it seems the fairest way to make the best choice. We decide on a tenant by measuring their organization. "
[I thought "What? Oh no, are they wanting to see a current photo of my desk or closet? I mean I'm not so messy but I'm not a 'place for everything' person..."]
"We look at the organization of their life and how they spend their time. We look at the intention put into their schedule. "
[Organization of my life? Schedule? Do they want someone predictable? I'm screwed! I don't like schedules, and I am not prone to routine...I'm lucky if I get make-up on before I get to work, and I try not to be but I feel like I'm always five minutes late to everywhere. And has he picked up on the fact that I'm clueless about what I'll be doing or where I'll be in a year? It came out in conversation yesterday that I'd like to be out of real estate sooner than later, but as for what I'd move on to, I'd told him I had ideas but no decisions- does he think I'm a directionless flake?]
"When we have several good options for tenants; each having financial stability, good references, and are nice people, we then use a different way of comparing them. Others may choose their renters differently, but for us it seems the fairest way to make the best choice. We decide on a tenant by measuring their organization. "
[I thought "What? Oh no, are they wanting to see a current photo of my desk or closet? I mean I'm not so messy but I'm not a 'place for everything' person..."]
"We look at the organization of their life and how they spend their time. We look at the intention put into their schedule. "
[Organization of my life? Schedule? Do they want someone predictable? I'm screwed! I don't like schedules, and I am not prone to routine...I'm lucky if I get make-up on before I get to work, and I try not to be but I feel like I'm always five minutes late to everywhere. And has he picked up on the fact that I'm clueless about what I'll be doing or where I'll be in a year? It came out in conversation yesterday that I'd like to be out of real estate sooner than later, but as for what I'd move on to, I'd told him I had ideas but no decisions- does he think I'm a directionless flake?]
"In a way..." he replied. "It's more about the consistent effort they are putting into the most important areas of life. If they are regular and organized and intentional about being a well-rounded and healthy person. There is one's work, time with friends and family, health, free time, etc. In our interactions and conversations with prospective tenants during the process we look for clues of their effort in all of these areas. It is so good to have balance and growth. We believe in that.
"You appear to keep your commitments, you're involved in many things, you like living in community, you see your friends regularly for things like the farmers' market, you go to soccer twice a week, you enjoy your job, you seem to know what you want. So, you have organization and intention in your life. More than our other top applicants. Therefore, you are at the top of our list."
I mustered something like, "That is very kind of you to say that, and its a very interesting way of looking at things." But inside I was thinking about how he'd come to this conclusion with just two 45 minute meetings with me, and that it was the kind of impression that I would have tried to leave if I'd known someone was searching for it, it was what I hoped to be seen as, but not often felt was true, especially lately. I do not consider myself an organized person in the more formal definition of the word. Lately life has felt like a game of Pick-Up Sticks, where each stick is being forcibly removed and I'm just hoping the haphazard structure doesn't fall apart. But if he wanted to define organized as being well-rounded, loyal to commitments, and intentional with people, then I wanted to be the picture next to the definition.
And for now, at least compared to the other applicants, I was. What a gift that he saw this in me.
I smiled and said quickly, before my voice could crack, "Thank you, so much. May I measure the studio? I want to see where I'll put my bed."
With that, a couple more sticks were added back carefully into my pile. I feel quite a bit more sturdy now.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Comedy & Tragedy
I didn't expect to find anything of depth when I glanced over a review of the new movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" by Judd Apatow. But the article surprised me, and I had to keep reading, and then I had to cut and paste certain parts to remember, and then I felt I wanted to share them...not because I'm a big fan of Apatow's movies, but for this particular writer's (Jim Emerson) insight.
...If there's a myth we cling to in America, it's that life is arranged in stages of "personal growth," and each one leads to a higher plane of enlightenment. But Apatow seems at least somewhat ambivalent about the idea, which is why his movies [40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad] tend to end with reunions rather than the weddings or engagements that have concluded traditional comedies for centuries...
...You know what they say about the difference between comedy and tragedy -- it's all in where you choose to end the story. Apatow's films begin with something less than tragedy ("Are you living your dream?" Ben's dad asks him sarcastically in "Knocked Up") and end with something less than a love-you-forever promise...
...The problem comes down to this: The guys are pretty sure they love the girls, but feel those feelings ought to be (1) self-evident; and (2) enough. So what if they have to sneak off to play fantasy baseball, or eat Fruit Loops and wear Costco sweatpants around the house every day for a week? Who cares?
Well, the women do. They're pretty sure they love their man-child mates, too, but they also know that's absolutely not enough for them. They need the guys to change. What's more, the women need them to want to change -- to better suit their better halves. This appears to be an unresolvable lose-lose scenario, but there it is, and there's no avoiding it. (In this respect, the teenagers of "Superbad" are probably the most mature in Apatow's body of work so far: The boys and the girls really do like each other for who they are. But they're still in "like." Love, which to some is a sacred declaration of perpetual ownership, changes everything.)...
...In "Knocked Up," Pete confesses a revelation to Ben when they're high on mushrooms in Vegas: "The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. She loves me so much that she wants me around all the time. That's our biggest problem, and I can't even accept that? Like, that upsets me?"
Everybody knows what they think they're supposed to feel, but then what? If Apatow's characters "learn" anything it's not that they should have read the baby books, or that it's time to put away the action figure of the Six Million Dollar Man.
It's that choices -- any choices -- don't solve anything. Even when they're the "right" ones, living with them may be just as hard as if they'd made the "wrong" ones. But once you've made them, there's no way to know for sure.
Well, the women do. They're pretty sure they love their man-child mates, too, but they also know that's absolutely not enough for them. They need the guys to change. What's more, the women need them to want to change -- to better suit their better halves. This appears to be an unresolvable lose-lose scenario, but there it is, and there's no avoiding it. (In this respect, the teenagers of "Superbad" are probably the most mature in Apatow's body of work so far: The boys and the girls really do like each other for who they are. But they're still in "like." Love, which to some is a sacred declaration of perpetual ownership, changes everything.)...
...In "Knocked Up," Pete confesses a revelation to Ben when they're high on mushrooms in Vegas: "The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. She loves me so much that she wants me around all the time. That's our biggest problem, and I can't even accept that? Like, that upsets me?"
Everybody knows what they think they're supposed to feel, but then what? If Apatow's characters "learn" anything it's not that they should have read the baby books, or that it's time to put away the action figure of the Six Million Dollar Man.
It's that choices -- any choices -- don't solve anything. Even when they're the "right" ones, living with them may be just as hard as if they'd made the "wrong" ones. But once you've made them, there's no way to know for sure.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
...to have plenty.
..."for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty."
-Paul to the Phillipians
I wrote it so many times in my college prayer journals... also in those anonymous prayer notebooks during my every few month visits to the little prayer chapel at Westmont. "Please grant me joy and contentment." I was aware of my repetition... like, I'm praying for this again? What's my deal? It wasn't like I didn't have joy or never felt content, those years were a total blast, but the unknown and the disheveledness and stress weighed on me at times. I couldn't seem to relax.
No longer do I feel the urge to pray for joy and contentment. I believe this is due to two major lessons I have learned since those good ol' college days.
Numero uno, that my choices and timing aren't God's, and that His are better. I think I have a good grip on this concept by now, after having seen it in action again and again. "Dead set on being an RA in Page?" He says..."Nah, you're going to be in Clark and it's going to be amazing and give you lifelong friendships." "Oh, you wanted to keep that job? Nope. Here's a better one." "You like that house you live in? Well it's going to catch fire and you'll learn how to take advantage of unforeseen opportunity and find a more awesome one."
Numero dos, that joy and contentment aren't just granted to you, and you certainly don't get it from being sure about where your life is going. I realized, with some divine guidance of course, that it comes from knowing yourself and taking action accordingly. What things can I do, habits can I form, people can I spend time with, thoughts can I think, hobbies can I keep up with; that lead me to feel joyful and content no matter what circumstances are swirling around me? Oh, and that's just it, the circumstances are what surround us, but they do not make us. We are only to do the best with them that we can.
Here are a few things that I make a part of my life regularly to keep me "content whatever the circumstances."
*Walks on Hendrys (sometimes Butterfly) with music during sunset.
*Commitment to my soccer team. Wednesdays and Saturdays used to sound like too much of a commitment, til I realized how great it is for me and how it makes a difference to the team.
*Intentional friend time...be it Wednesday morning small group, dinner with my old neighbors, a weekend in Orange County, or Thursday nights watching the Office, if I make it a frequent thing and do my best to even it out with all those dearest to me, I can get through anything, whether I am in need or have plenty. (and I know that I am lucky right now, as being in SB grants me plenty of good friends in proximity)
*Making the best of Daylight Savings. It couldn't have come at a better time this year. More chances to get over and see the sunset after work.
Summing up most of these things, here are some photos from Sunday, when after a long fun weekend with lots of friends, Meg, Josh, Anna and Shane and I hit up Leadbetter for a sunset picnic.
What keeps joy and contentment in your life?
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I Can See Clearly Now...
I was on the edge of my seat, transfixed. A few around me were actually dozing off, others were discreetly playing words games with each other on pads of paper. But I couldn't get enough. This was my first symphony, and I was in awe. The percussion and horn section and woodwinds; they wove together to create something that was more than the sum of their parts. The music rose and swelled through the expansive balconies and reverberated off the soaring ceilings of the Berlin Philharmonic Hall. As it ended, I and my fellow Europe Semester students gathered our things and made for the exits. I was still in a state of music elation, and not wholely aware of my surroundings. I wanted to let the memory of the music soak in just a bit more, so I didn't find a friend right away to talk to and walk out with, and just kinda wandered out of the hall.
Everyone in our group was scattered in the crowd but generally all heading out toward the nighttime streets of Berlin to make our way back to the hotel. I saw a few Westmonters just a few feet away, made a mental note to join up with them, after I shuffled my way through all the other symphony attendees to grab a pamphlet from right by the exit door. Then I turned, and the familiar faces were gone. I hustled forward, scanning for familiar silhouettes, somewhat used to doing such things after over two months of traveling with the same people. Still, no one. I hadn't been the last one to leave my seat, and I knew I'd been taking my time but I was sure that there had to still be others from the group coming down the stairs or just walking away from the Hall. The music was forgotten, I dashed around, not really believing that not a single other student wasn't still within eyesight of me. It was like a movie, where everything and everyone familiar suddenly vanishes.
Fifteen minutes later, I sat down on the steps outside the almost vacant Philharmonic, sweating and trying to focus on figuring out exactly what direction the subway was.
On just our second night in this foreign city, I had not yet grasped my bearings or quite figured out the transportation system. I knew we had traveled through the subway and walked several blocks to get from our hotel to the symphony, but we (well, at least me) often just followed the professors and not necessarily making note of the direction and street names. Plus, everything was in German.
I wasn't completely frantic. I wasn't hopeless. But I felt alone, I felt some regret, I felt bummed that I wouldn't get the fellowship of the journey home, to speak with people in the same language as we talked about the day's events. I had no map or subway schedule, telling me which way to go or when. I had only myself.
I slowly stood up, and as I did, the situation became clearer. I was not lost. I knew my location- I was in front of the Philharmonic, and I knew our hotel name. I knew who I was and what I was capable of- I was 21 years old and had traveled through many foreign countries, and being a smart and independent person, had found my way out of difficult situations before. And I was definitely not alone. God was with me there in Germany just as he was in Montecito. I also had a roommate who would realize within a couple hours that I was not at the hotel.
The exact details of how I found my way are unclear, as it was almost four and a half years ago now. It was not terribly dramatic; I set off in the direction I thought we'd come from, found an entrance to the subway, took a couple wrong turns, asked some English speakers for assistance, had to wait for a train to come as I had just missed the previous one... I ended up walking more than we did to get there, since I didn't know the name of our stop. I know I was nervous, but I remember feeling exhilarated to be seeing the bright lights and streets of Berlin with an observant and quiet eye. I felt a sense of adventure at being self-reliant and at the fact that I was taking an unexpected path. I had prayed and felt confident that I would get to my destination eventually. And I also stepped outside the moment to remember how great life was; that I was with dozens of lovely friends traveling through Europe and that we had many places yet to see. I had figured out how, though I was traveling unexpectedly solo and without directions, to enjoy the journey and stay positive and remember God and myself. The music I had heard earlier that night came back to me; I could hear it play over in my head, and I was smiling when I finally stepped into the lobby of our hotel.
I'm smiling now remembering this story, and grateful that I am still confident that the journey will be a great one, and although sometimes it will be difficult or confusing, I am not alone. I know I will get to wherever I'm going a wiser and happier and more complete person that I was before.
Everyone in our group was scattered in the crowd but generally all heading out toward the nighttime streets of Berlin to make our way back to the hotel. I saw a few Westmonters just a few feet away, made a mental note to join up with them, after I shuffled my way through all the other symphony attendees to grab a pamphlet from right by the exit door. Then I turned, and the familiar faces were gone. I hustled forward, scanning for familiar silhouettes, somewhat used to doing such things after over two months of traveling with the same people. Still, no one. I hadn't been the last one to leave my seat, and I knew I'd been taking my time but I was sure that there had to still be others from the group coming down the stairs or just walking away from the Hall. The music was forgotten, I dashed around, not really believing that not a single other student wasn't still within eyesight of me. It was like a movie, where everything and everyone familiar suddenly vanishes.
Fifteen minutes later, I sat down on the steps outside the almost vacant Philharmonic, sweating and trying to focus on figuring out exactly what direction the subway was.
On just our second night in this foreign city, I had not yet grasped my bearings or quite figured out the transportation system. I knew we had traveled through the subway and walked several blocks to get from our hotel to the symphony, but we (well, at least me) often just followed the professors and not necessarily making note of the direction and street names. Plus, everything was in German.
I wasn't completely frantic. I wasn't hopeless. But I felt alone, I felt some regret, I felt bummed that I wouldn't get the fellowship of the journey home, to speak with people in the same language as we talked about the day's events. I had no map or subway schedule, telling me which way to go or when. I had only myself.
I slowly stood up, and as I did, the situation became clearer. I was not lost. I knew my location- I was in front of the Philharmonic, and I knew our hotel name. I knew who I was and what I was capable of- I was 21 years old and had traveled through many foreign countries, and being a smart and independent person, had found my way out of difficult situations before. And I was definitely not alone. God was with me there in Germany just as he was in Montecito. I also had a roommate who would realize within a couple hours that I was not at the hotel.
The exact details of how I found my way are unclear, as it was almost four and a half years ago now. It was not terribly dramatic; I set off in the direction I thought we'd come from, found an entrance to the subway, took a couple wrong turns, asked some English speakers for assistance, had to wait for a train to come as I had just missed the previous one... I ended up walking more than we did to get there, since I didn't know the name of our stop. I know I was nervous, but I remember feeling exhilarated to be seeing the bright lights and streets of Berlin with an observant and quiet eye. I felt a sense of adventure at being self-reliant and at the fact that I was taking an unexpected path. I had prayed and felt confident that I would get to my destination eventually. And I also stepped outside the moment to remember how great life was; that I was with dozens of lovely friends traveling through Europe and that we had many places yet to see. I had figured out how, though I was traveling unexpectedly solo and without directions, to enjoy the journey and stay positive and remember God and myself. The music I had heard earlier that night came back to me; I could hear it play over in my head, and I was smiling when I finally stepped into the lobby of our hotel.
I'm smiling now remembering this story, and grateful that I am still confident that the journey will be a great one, and although sometimes it will be difficult or confusing, I am not alone. I know I will get to wherever I'm going a wiser and happier and more complete person that I was before.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Update & Miscellany
On the job front...
I am going to be working with another agent as well as Mary starting next week! Bruce is a top agent here at Prudential and I will be working with them each half-time. I'm excited about this change, especially because it gets me moving forward on one of my New Year's goals ahead of my deadline. I had wanted to alter my work schedule somehow by the end of February to be making more money and be more challenged. Done and done. I wasn't sure that the change I was seeking would still involve real estate, but I think this is the right thing for me. I'm lucky to get to live in a city I am in love with and work in a job that indulges one of my passions - people's homes. For fun, here's a photo of one of my current favorite properties listed in Montecito (not our listing!)... it's just around 7 mil and sits on Hot Springs Road.
Tutoring tales...
I have been tutoring a regular client of mine, Page, for almost 3 years now. As time goes on, she gets smarter, and me...well, I try. This girl is in high school now, so one subject in particular is really starting to fry my brain. Raise your hand if you're familiar with congruent triangle postulates or linear equations or parallel line theorems. Right. I never planned on tutoring in Geometry but the past couple months have found me doing it anyway, and it's some of the most challenging and rewarding ways I'm spending my time. Page and I busted through the afore-mentioned concepts and more this week as we prepared her for her final today. I would have done way better if we were working on an literature paper or Spanish exam, but I have to toot my own horn and say I did a decent job this week. There's nothing like having to relearn a math concept that you last looked at a decade ago and then explain it on the spot. No money I've ever earned felt as deserved as this, and no job has tested my intelligence as much either.
Mid 20s...
Googled this favorite phrase of ours the other day and found the exchange below on a blog.
A two-sentence post:
"I used to be in my early-mid 20s, but as of now I'm in my mid-20s. No new post today while I'm figuring this out."
Comment on the post:
Scott said...
"I'm currently in my early 30s and let me tell you- ENJOY THAT SHIT."
*************************
Well, Scott, I am.
I am going to be working with another agent as well as Mary starting next week! Bruce is a top agent here at Prudential and I will be working with them each half-time. I'm excited about this change, especially because it gets me moving forward on one of my New Year's goals ahead of my deadline. I had wanted to alter my work schedule somehow by the end of February to be making more money and be more challenged. Done and done. I wasn't sure that the change I was seeking would still involve real estate, but I think this is the right thing for me. I'm lucky to get to live in a city I am in love with and work in a job that indulges one of my passions - people's homes. For fun, here's a photo of one of my current favorite properties listed in Montecito (not our listing!)... it's just around 7 mil and sits on Hot Springs Road.
Tutoring tales...
I have been tutoring a regular client of mine, Page, for almost 3 years now. As time goes on, she gets smarter, and me...well, I try. This girl is in high school now, so one subject in particular is really starting to fry my brain. Raise your hand if you're familiar with congruent triangle postulates or linear equations or parallel line theorems. Right. I never planned on tutoring in Geometry but the past couple months have found me doing it anyway, and it's some of the most challenging and rewarding ways I'm spending my time. Page and I busted through the afore-mentioned concepts and more this week as we prepared her for her final today. I would have done way better if we were working on an literature paper or Spanish exam, but I have to toot my own horn and say I did a decent job this week. There's nothing like having to relearn a math concept that you last looked at a decade ago and then explain it on the spot. No money I've ever earned felt as deserved as this, and no job has tested my intelligence as much either.
Mid 20s...
Googled this favorite phrase of ours the other day and found the exchange below on a blog.
A two-sentence post:
"I used to be in my early-mid 20s, but as of now I'm in my mid-20s. No new post today while I'm figuring this out."
Comment on the post:
Scott said...
"I'm currently in my early 30s and let me tell you- ENJOY THAT SHIT."
*************************
Well, Scott, I am.
Friday, January 4, 2008
8
On New Year's Day I enjoyed this lovely sunset at Hendry's Beach. What a great way to kick off the year, especially one that I'm so excited about. I think this year is going to hold some great things, for me and others that I know as well. Plus, 8 has always been my favorite number, and I'm already getting excited just seeing 2008 everywhere! I'm serious.
I decided to be really intentional in laying out how I wanted the next year to look. I've had general New Year's goals before, but I'd been gathering ideas together for awhile and wanted to take some time to write them out on the first day of the year. I have a hard time being specific and nailing down when I want to accomplish certain goals. I'm working on that!
I think one of the biggest lessons that I have been learning since college (and hope that I finish learning by the time I'm out of my 20s!)is how important discipline is. I have it in some areas, not as much in others. In church the other day the pastor quoted Henri Nouwen saying, "What discipline will help me remain faithful to my choice?" So, what habit do I need to form, or break, in order to get something done or achieve my goal? One habit I'm working to establish is that of being able to just do it. No waiting until the perfect time, no holding off until I feel ready or in the mood...If I can nail that one, wow, that would be half the battle right there.
So anyway. I'll name a few of my goals for 2008... most of them I'll leave for myself and just a couple others to see posted in my room.
* I want to read at least a book a month. Lately I get so absorbed with google reader and magazine articles that I don't seek out books from my list. Well, here I go.
* I plan on visiting my friends & family in other cities that I've been meaning to for awhile, which includes the Bamfords in Phoenix, the Millers (etc.) in Sacramento my grandparents outside of Sacramento, and my dad's side of the family up in Oregon.
* Get to know the Bible better with Lesley.
* Write on here at least once a week. That was my goal originally but I haven't yet met it.
* Plan for an adventure for the second half of this year. Working on a couple different ideas. Time to travel again.
* Incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my meals and snacks. Hello, Tri-County Produce, you'll be seeing me more often.
I'll finish with this photo of an affirmation that Mary, who I work with, does with her husband. They have a great relationship and are excellent and being intentional and setting goals for their lives. They do affirmations together every Saturday morning. Accountability and inspiration in the form of your partner... I love it.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Madly On.
Heard on Gossip Girl the other night (an unusual place to find inspiration, I know)...
"Sometimes you need to step outside to clear your head and remind yourself of where you're going and who you want to be."
"Stepping outside" is very important to me. I am very easily distracted, and I try to be intentional about doing things and going places that help me gain a refreshed perspective on myself and my purpose. Around Christmastime every year I've made sure to spend a few quiet minutes late at night up at Westmont just looking at the Christmas lights in front of Kerrwood and the tree on lawn all lit up. I'm lucky to still live in Santa Barbara and easily be able to get up there to do so. I did it once again a couple days ago. The effect is mentally and almost physically refreshing. I grabbed a photo of the lights (camera isn't the most powerful) and also of the path I was standing on, a path that I used to traipse down with Zac on winter nights 5 and 4 years ago.
I think forward to the future so much; the promise and possibilities of next week, next summer, 5 years from now, are irresistible. I enjoy the present well enough, as anyone who knows me can attest to, but I do have a hard time being grounded in it. As for the past, I hold it very close to me. But I've never really written out a "year in review" before for myself...maybe because until now, no medium was as conducive to it as a blog. So here was 2007, kept simple; just stand-out moments, lessons learned, things accomplished.
*Dyed my hair dark dark brown. People at work were asking Mary where I had gone, and who was this new brunette working with her.
*Andrea settles into San Andres (after moving in late '06) and becomes one of the world's greatest finds from Craigslist ever.
*We threw a Nautical Party at San Andres. Most fun theme yet.
*Saint Patrick's Day, when we covered the town with green shamrocks.
*Zac moved to Santa Monica/Brentwood. 1 hour & 20 minutes never felt so close.
*Got better at keeping in touch with friends and family out of town over the phone, mostly due to the several drives to and from LA every month.
*Came home from work on my half-birthday to our beautiful house on fire and a half dozen fire trucks hard at work to save it. Most of our stuff was saved, but the house was ruined for occupancy indefinitely. Our hearts break.
*Next-door neighbors/friends take me in for the next two months until we have found and can move into a new place. Such generosity without expectations or hesitation is one of the biggest gifts I've ever been given.
*Learned that it is not possible to be perceived as perfect and blameless in others' eyes, and I should stop trying to control their perception, because I'm not.
*Saw John Mayer, The Fray, and Snow Patrol in concert, not to mention numerous other small venue concerts, fulfilling my 07 resolution to go to see more live music.
*Camping with my dad in Santa Ynez.
*Went up to Fremont with Zac to see my mom graduate with her B.A. Fun to see your parents' dreams come true.
*The Housewarming Party, 07-13-07, at our new estate. Was one for the ages.
*Started a blog to get back into writing, a longtime goal. Got Google Reader, which changed my life and everyone else I know who has it.
*Fiesta, primarily attending the free Mat Kearney concert on the grass with Emily. Was one of my most favorite concerts ever, and afterwards turned into a spontaneous dance party under the stars for a primarily 20-something crowd when a dj took the stage.
*Hit up the summer events in town, like SB Museum Nights, another goal for the year.
*Wedding fun, including Chap & Katie and Occy & Lauren. There's nothing like a Westmont wedding for an amazing time.
*Zac's birthday in Vegas with his family.
*Meg and I start a small group. Another goal for the year. Getting up early for coffee for the first time in my life.
*Took the CA Real Estate Exam and passed. Hooray.
*Turned 25. One of the best bdays ever... had a bonfire and wine-tasting party, Zac surprised me, went and sat in on a Rhetoric class and had lunch with Spencer, layed out by the pool with friends, and went out to dinner at Zaytoon. Love my friends.
*Halloween Party. The roommates have always wanted to do one, and it turned out sweet and spooky. Being a geisha was maybe my favorite costume yet.
*Zac comes to Fremont for Thanksgiving. We hang out with approximately 5154 family members. A terrific time.
*Soccer team winds down fall season undefeated for the first time in my 3 1/2 years with them. We are scored on once.
*Executed a diligent and somewhat organized Christmas season. Complete with a spiced apple candle purchased to put me in the mood during the entire month. In my opinion this makes me for sure (well, almost) an adult.
Already realizing some things about myself with what I chose to include on the list. Was a great year, all in all, and definitely an interesting one what with the fire. But from the ashes we rise, right?
I have high expectations for 2008. Stay tuned.
"Sometimes you need to step outside to clear your head and remind yourself of where you're going and who you want to be."
"Stepping outside" is very important to me. I am very easily distracted, and I try to be intentional about doing things and going places that help me gain a refreshed perspective on myself and my purpose. Around Christmastime every year I've made sure to spend a few quiet minutes late at night up at Westmont just looking at the Christmas lights in front of Kerrwood and the tree on lawn all lit up. I'm lucky to still live in Santa Barbara and easily be able to get up there to do so. I did it once again a couple days ago. The effect is mentally and almost physically refreshing. I grabbed a photo of the lights (camera isn't the most powerful) and also of the path I was standing on, a path that I used to traipse down with Zac on winter nights 5 and 4 years ago.
I think forward to the future so much; the promise and possibilities of next week, next summer, 5 years from now, are irresistible. I enjoy the present well enough, as anyone who knows me can attest to, but I do have a hard time being grounded in it. As for the past, I hold it very close to me. But I've never really written out a "year in review" before for myself...maybe because until now, no medium was as conducive to it as a blog. So here was 2007, kept simple; just stand-out moments, lessons learned, things accomplished.
*Dyed my hair dark dark brown. People at work were asking Mary where I had gone, and who was this new brunette working with her.
*Andrea settles into San Andres (after moving in late '06) and becomes one of the world's greatest finds from Craigslist ever.
*We threw a Nautical Party at San Andres. Most fun theme yet.
*Saint Patrick's Day, when we covered the town with green shamrocks.
*Zac moved to Santa Monica/Brentwood. 1 hour & 20 minutes never felt so close.
*Got better at keeping in touch with friends and family out of town over the phone, mostly due to the several drives to and from LA every month.
*Came home from work on my half-birthday to our beautiful house on fire and a half dozen fire trucks hard at work to save it. Most of our stuff was saved, but the house was ruined for occupancy indefinitely. Our hearts break.
*Next-door neighbors/friends take me in for the next two months until we have found and can move into a new place. Such generosity without expectations or hesitation is one of the biggest gifts I've ever been given.
*Learned that it is not possible to be perceived as perfect and blameless in others' eyes, and I should stop trying to control their perception, because I'm not.
*Saw John Mayer, The Fray, and Snow Patrol in concert, not to mention numerous other small venue concerts, fulfilling my 07 resolution to go to see more live music.
*Camping with my dad in Santa Ynez.
*Went up to Fremont with Zac to see my mom graduate with her B.A. Fun to see your parents' dreams come true.
*The Housewarming Party, 07-13-07, at our new estate. Was one for the ages.
*Started a blog to get back into writing, a longtime goal. Got Google Reader, which changed my life and everyone else I know who has it.
*Fiesta, primarily attending the free Mat Kearney concert on the grass with Emily. Was one of my most favorite concerts ever, and afterwards turned into a spontaneous dance party under the stars for a primarily 20-something crowd when a dj took the stage.
*Hit up the summer events in town, like SB Museum Nights, another goal for the year.
*Wedding fun, including Chap & Katie and Occy & Lauren. There's nothing like a Westmont wedding for an amazing time.
*Zac's birthday in Vegas with his family.
*Meg and I start a small group. Another goal for the year. Getting up early for coffee for the first time in my life.
*Took the CA Real Estate Exam and passed. Hooray.
*Turned 25. One of the best bdays ever... had a bonfire and wine-tasting party, Zac surprised me, went and sat in on a Rhetoric class and had lunch with Spencer, layed out by the pool with friends, and went out to dinner at Zaytoon. Love my friends.
*Halloween Party. The roommates have always wanted to do one, and it turned out sweet and spooky. Being a geisha was maybe my favorite costume yet.
*Zac comes to Fremont for Thanksgiving. We hang out with approximately 5154 family members. A terrific time.
*Soccer team winds down fall season undefeated for the first time in my 3 1/2 years with them. We are scored on once.
*Executed a diligent and somewhat organized Christmas season. Complete with a spiced apple candle purchased to put me in the mood during the entire month. In my opinion this makes me for sure (well, almost) an adult.
Already realizing some things about myself with what I chose to include on the list. Was a great year, all in all, and definitely an interesting one what with the fire. But from the ashes we rise, right?
I have high expectations for 2008. Stay tuned.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Quarter Life
Almost four years ago I was sitting on a shuttle going through the Munich airport, having a conversation with John Mayer. We talked about a few different things, but the topic I remember most was age. He'd asked how old I was, I said I was 21, and he said, "Hm. I'm 26. But I feel like I'm still 21, just with a few years more experience. Nothing much has changed except the number. I look at my dad, who's 76, and inside, he's just a twenty-something who now lives in an older man's body. Seems like it's probably that way for most people."
Once in awhile I think about that idea, usually around my birthday. There definitely came a point, around mid-college, that my leaps and bounds of growing up and discovering who I was slowed down and I more or less became who I am now. That's not to say I've reached the pinnacle of my personal lifelong growth process, as I'm a true believer in continuing to learn and grow as long as one is alive. But my personality, knowledge of strengths and weaknesses, and methods of behavior and decision-making became more fixed than impressionable. Many friends recall a similar point in their lives. I certainly hope to be a more mature, patient, loving, and educated version of myself in 10, 20, and 50 years. But, in reference to what John said, who "Corinne" is is mostly a done deal. Age from now on is really just a number.
I will admit that it was somewhat surreal and thrilling to sit and have a mellow chat with John Mayer. We were about to fly to L.A. from Germany, and I was traveling with a bunch of students just finishing a 3 1/2 month tour of Europe, during which John's second album came out and had been my soundtrack to our explorations of so many countries. We spotted him in the airport and all stood around talking to him, getting CDs signed, with no one else clamoring for his attention. As we went through security, I was held back for having fingernail clippers, and fell behind my whole group and John and his band. I was bummed, and boarded the next shuttle to our terminal, and somehow he walked on after I did and sat down right next to me. I'd been a huge fan since his coffee shop gig days. Still am. It was crazy I tell you.
So I turn 25; reaching the middle of my twenties, the quarter life mark. The "mid-twenties" have been the most joyful times yet. This is partly due to that fact that somehow I was born with the innate belief that each year is supposed to be better than the last. That conviction has led to some confusion and disappointment in the couple times that it didn't necessarily prove true, which I'm guessing will happen again, but mostly, it will serve me well as life goes on. Believing this is what pushes me through when things are difficult, as I refuse to accept that life is anything less than an upward process of increasing maturity, achievement, and gratefulness.
I've been thinking a lot about the direction I want to go in a few different areas of my life lately. John described this time well in his song "Why Georgia"...
"Might be a quarter life crisis
or just a stirring in my soul
either way, I wonder sometimes about the outcome
of a still verdictless life.
Am I living it right?"
My wonderings are really more a quarter life "stirring" than a crisis.
Finally, for fun, here is some visual documentation of my quarter life birthday celebrationing...
Fire and wine with friends.
Zac and I off to dinner and the pub.
Once in awhile I think about that idea, usually around my birthday. There definitely came a point, around mid-college, that my leaps and bounds of growing up and discovering who I was slowed down and I more or less became who I am now. That's not to say I've reached the pinnacle of my personal lifelong growth process, as I'm a true believer in continuing to learn and grow as long as one is alive. But my personality, knowledge of strengths and weaknesses, and methods of behavior and decision-making became more fixed than impressionable. Many friends recall a similar point in their lives. I certainly hope to be a more mature, patient, loving, and educated version of myself in 10, 20, and 50 years. But, in reference to what John said, who "Corinne" is is mostly a done deal. Age from now on is really just a number.
I will admit that it was somewhat surreal and thrilling to sit and have a mellow chat with John Mayer. We were about to fly to L.A. from Germany, and I was traveling with a bunch of students just finishing a 3 1/2 month tour of Europe, during which John's second album came out and had been my soundtrack to our explorations of so many countries. We spotted him in the airport and all stood around talking to him, getting CDs signed, with no one else clamoring for his attention. As we went through security, I was held back for having fingernail clippers, and fell behind my whole group and John and his band. I was bummed, and boarded the next shuttle to our terminal, and somehow he walked on after I did and sat down right next to me. I'd been a huge fan since his coffee shop gig days. Still am. It was crazy I tell you.
So I turn 25; reaching the middle of my twenties, the quarter life mark. The "mid-twenties" have been the most joyful times yet. This is partly due to that fact that somehow I was born with the innate belief that each year is supposed to be better than the last. That conviction has led to some confusion and disappointment in the couple times that it didn't necessarily prove true, which I'm guessing will happen again, but mostly, it will serve me well as life goes on. Believing this is what pushes me through when things are difficult, as I refuse to accept that life is anything less than an upward process of increasing maturity, achievement, and gratefulness.
I've been thinking a lot about the direction I want to go in a few different areas of my life lately. John described this time well in his song "Why Georgia"...
"Might be a quarter life crisis
or just a stirring in my soul
either way, I wonder sometimes about the outcome
of a still verdictless life.
Am I living it right?"
My wonderings are really more a quarter life "stirring" than a crisis.
Finally, for fun, here is some visual documentation of my quarter life birthday celebrationing...
Fire and wine with friends.
Zac and I off to dinner and the pub.
Monday, October 8, 2007
The moments and the story.
"We do not remember days, we remember moments."
~Cesare Pavese, Italian novelist
On Saturday I was walking down the Huntington Beach pier, and I happened to look over the railing down at the beach and witnessed a man propose to his girlfriend. It was really remarkable and moving, and I could hardly tear myself away from my overhead view. A young, but not that young, man and woman were with two pre-teen girls and they all had white shirts on with jeans. It looked like they had a professional photographer taking photos of them. They looked really happy, and then the man and woman hugged, and as she tilted her head up towards the sky, she clapped her hand to her mouth. She pointed up, so I looked up. An airplane was flying by with a banner reading, "Alisha, Will You Marry Me? -Dave" The four of them began hugging and crying and laughing and hugging some more. They continued for quite some time, and as they did, I made up what I thought their story was... that the man, Dave, was the dad of the two little girls (kinda seemed more like he was their parent) and that Alisha was his serious girlfriend whom the girls had grown to love and they were out here and the pretense to Alisha was that they were taking a holiday photo out on the beach to send out for the holidays. You could tell all four of them were ecstatic and just loved each other. The two girls had big smiles and kept wiping away tears as they went back for more hugs from both the man and woman. I wondered what the history was...second chance at true love? finally a mom for the girls...? I actually wiped away a tear or two myself. Now my made-up story is probably not accurate, but even so, it was evident that this moment was going to be really huge in its influence over the rest of each of their lives. None of them will probably ever forget that moment, or how it shaped them in the years to come.
I was thinking today about the two main ways that we remember our lives and pass on what we remember. Our personal histories are revealed in the specific moments that made an impression on us, and in the stories that we design to explain how and why we arrived at where we are now. Moments & stories...like photos & journals, show & tell. It's interesting to share with someone about the moments of joy, sorrow, surprise, fun, and learning in my life, or to hear theirs. It's necessary to develop a healthy way of recounting your history so that you understand yourself and what has made you You.
After some reflection once I got back from a month and a half in Thailand five years ago, I realized that nothing I'd ever done taught me so much about my strengths. I've done plenty of things that taught me how I am weak, but this trip I got to know myself intimately and learn what I was capable of when tested and constantly in the unfamiliar. That is the story that developed from the experiences and memory of that trip. As for the moments that remain vividly in my mind's eye; splashing through the rainforest for hours with a couple friends, the first time I strung together a sentence in Thai to try to connect with some of the kids at the center we worked at, riding on top of a van past rice paddies and trying to comprehend just how big the sky was in that place...they will always be a source of pleasure for me and remind me of who I am almost as much as the story does.
This stuff is on my mind partly because tomorrow morning in this new amazing womens' small group I'm in I am supposed to tell a brief 10-15 minute version of my life story. Gotta condense the most influential moments and stories of my life down into the most bare bones and telling format. Should be fun.
~Cesare Pavese, Italian novelist
On Saturday I was walking down the Huntington Beach pier, and I happened to look over the railing down at the beach and witnessed a man propose to his girlfriend. It was really remarkable and moving, and I could hardly tear myself away from my overhead view. A young, but not that young, man and woman were with two pre-teen girls and they all had white shirts on with jeans. It looked like they had a professional photographer taking photos of them. They looked really happy, and then the man and woman hugged, and as she tilted her head up towards the sky, she clapped her hand to her mouth. She pointed up, so I looked up. An airplane was flying by with a banner reading, "Alisha, Will You Marry Me? -Dave" The four of them began hugging and crying and laughing and hugging some more. They continued for quite some time, and as they did, I made up what I thought their story was... that the man, Dave, was the dad of the two little girls (kinda seemed more like he was their parent) and that Alisha was his serious girlfriend whom the girls had grown to love and they were out here and the pretense to Alisha was that they were taking a holiday photo out on the beach to send out for the holidays. You could tell all four of them were ecstatic and just loved each other. The two girls had big smiles and kept wiping away tears as they went back for more hugs from both the man and woman. I wondered what the history was...second chance at true love? finally a mom for the girls...? I actually wiped away a tear or two myself. Now my made-up story is probably not accurate, but even so, it was evident that this moment was going to be really huge in its influence over the rest of each of their lives. None of them will probably ever forget that moment, or how it shaped them in the years to come.
I was thinking today about the two main ways that we remember our lives and pass on what we remember. Our personal histories are revealed in the specific moments that made an impression on us, and in the stories that we design to explain how and why we arrived at where we are now. Moments & stories...like photos & journals, show & tell. It's interesting to share with someone about the moments of joy, sorrow, surprise, fun, and learning in my life, or to hear theirs. It's necessary to develop a healthy way of recounting your history so that you understand yourself and what has made you You.
After some reflection once I got back from a month and a half in Thailand five years ago, I realized that nothing I'd ever done taught me so much about my strengths. I've done plenty of things that taught me how I am weak, but this trip I got to know myself intimately and learn what I was capable of when tested and constantly in the unfamiliar. That is the story that developed from the experiences and memory of that trip. As for the moments that remain vividly in my mind's eye; splashing through the rainforest for hours with a couple friends, the first time I strung together a sentence in Thai to try to connect with some of the kids at the center we worked at, riding on top of a van past rice paddies and trying to comprehend just how big the sky was in that place...they will always be a source of pleasure for me and remind me of who I am almost as much as the story does.
This stuff is on my mind partly because tomorrow morning in this new amazing womens' small group I'm in I am supposed to tell a brief 10-15 minute version of my life story. Gotta condense the most influential moments and stories of my life down into the most bare bones and telling format. Should be fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
